It’s been a few months since your pregnancy loss –
how are you doing?
No matter what your answer to that question is, it’s the right one. Why? Because there is no timeline for grieving, processing, or healing. What’s important is that you are handling it in your own way and at your own pace.
It’s ok to not be “over it” yet just as it’s ok to have moved on. Maybe you’re trying to conceive again and even pregnant already – or maybe that’s the last thing on your mind. Either way, it’s completely normal!
There’s no such thing as being too emotional about losing a child. Maybe you find yourself having meltdowns over something so innocent or maybe you burst into tears when alone in the car or when drifting off to sleep. Do you think “what’s wrong with me?” when that happens? If so, please know this: there’s nothing wrong with you! Your life has been forever changed by the loss you’ve experienced and your response is rational even if it doesn’t feel that way.
So, let it out! But keep this in mind: are you expressing your feelings about your loss in a healthy way? If the answer is “no,” don’t worry – it’s never too late to open up, whether that be to a spouse, friend, or therapist. Now may also be an appropriate time to share your story.
You’ve had a little bit of time now to understand your loss – as a result, it might be the right time to start reflective writing exercises or to try our healing through art project. It’s important to find an outlet that works for YOU!
If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, please contact a medical professional immediately or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
In addition, Dr. Vasiliki Moragianni from CCRM Northern Virginia offers the following advice:
1. It is normal to still feel distraught and not having “forgotten” your experience. You probably never will but, with time, it will change into a feeling that you can live with. Make sure you surround yourself with a healthy, understanding support system that you know you can rely upon for comfort during difficult times.
2. Schedule a visit for a health check-up. Now that some time has passed it is a good idea to review what happened with your healthcare provider and make sure there is no additional testing or information that could be proven useful in the future.
3. Continue to take your prenatal vitamins and make sure that any other medications/supplements you are taking are safe in pregnancy.
It’s very likely that you no longer feel like the same person you were before your loss, and the reason for that is simple: you’re not. Loss changes us in ways we don’t even realize. Therefore, keep in mind that those who have not experienced the loss of a child may not understand what you are going through. They may expect you to “get over it already.” You may have problems at work with co-workers or supervisors who don’t understand why your performance is not at the same level it previously was. In these situations, it’s always a good idea to educate others about pregnancy loss by directing them to the resources on this website, especially the page on What Not to Say to someone experiencing a loss.