Hi, my name is Ajaida, on March 12, 2016 I began to experience abnormal bleeding. I didn’t think anything was wrong with my baby boy as I thought I still felt his kicks throughout the day.
I sat in the room with my mom on my side waiting to listen for a heartbeat. I watched as the nurse left to grab the doctor. The news that my baby was gone hit me so hard, I felt numb. I didn’t want to believe what my ears had just heard. The one thing I cherished was my child and beginning motherhood. I had the option of having a surgery or delivering him. I wanted to hold my baby, look at him one last time before saying goodbye.
At 5:37 am on March 13, 2015 I delivered my beautiful child. The hardest thing was letting him go. I knew that I was just holding his shell but his little spirit was now in Heaven watching over me. The doctors were unable to give me answers but I know that some of his features had not developed correctly. The days have been hard to get through but I know my child is no longer suffering. God has his reasons and never makes mistakes, I just question why did it have to be my baby?
I am trying to continue on living on this earth because I want my son’s spirit to be free. The one thing I have peace with is knowing that Codi will always be my child and I will always be his mother.
I remember telling the nurse when she took my baby for the last time that it would never be enough time. They had advised me not to unwrap the blankets because he had died six weeks earlier but his twin brother was still healthy and growing so we decided to deliver them both together. Though it will never be enough time I too was grateful for those moments when I could hold him close.
This was a very moving post. Thank you for sharing – our thoughts are with you and your family =/