Hello everyone I’m new to the page. I never got to hear his cry not even once. I never got to see his eyes. I’ll miss all his milestones. It hurts seeing babies born around the same time as him because I’ll never get that. I hate having to wake up to an empty crib. Instead of waking up in the middle of the night to feed I’m up crying with his blanket. People always get so mad at me for always staying in the house. I am trying, it’s been 3 weeks and some days are better than others but it’s still there a pain so deep no amount of time will heel.
Sunday 8/13/17 was hard, one of the hardest things I’ve been through. I was 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant. About 4 weeks earlier I went to the hospital due to baby movements and belly pain and they told me everything was fine. They did an ultrasound and my 3rd son was moving and healthy, they did a vaginal exam and made sure I wasn’t dilated and I was 1 1/2cm. They performed an ultrasound to check the fluid around the baby, everything was good so I got discharged. But on 8/13/17 for some reason I didn’t feel my son move all day after eating a teaspoon of sugar and drinking orange juice to wake him up it didn’t work. I’m just thinking he was really tired so in my mind he is sleeping. I get to work that same night and I was having some sharp pains in my belly and back, so I left work and went right to the emergency room and they took me right up.
I was called to the back and they wanted to check his heartbeat, so the first time they check it was not there so they did a ultrasound to see if they see the heartbeat but they didn’t. All I remember is screaming “Get the f*** out ” to the nurses and doctors and screaming for my mom. So long story short they told me I have to deliver him. So they got the process ready for labor. I then gave birth to my baby boy Asaad Zaaki Alfred Scarborough at 8:31am August 14, 2017 weighting 3lbs and 15.7oz.
Yes he was a stillborn, I was so scared to see him but I put all my fears aside and finally got him and held him. I looked at him and started crying like damn, did this really happen to me? He was so cold but his skin was so soft, I couldn’t put him down after picking him up. I wouldn’t want to wish this on nobody this is the worst feeling ever. I can’t deal with this, man it’s so hard. But I know he’s my little angel watching over us.
RIP Son Son until we meet again. On 8/17/17 my baby was put to rest so he can sleep peacefully and comfortably. I love you Son Son.