When my husband and I got married, we were young and knew we wanted to wait a bit to have kids. The time came when we were both on the same page and decided it was time to start trying, and I don’t think either of us thought it would be particularly difficult. Well…after 7 months of trying we got a positive! I was so excited- it was hard to wait until the end of the day when I saw my husband to tell him. Once I finally told him, we were both excited, but slightly nervous.
We decided to tell our parents for Christmas. I started spotting the next day, but it was just a little when I wiped, so I wasn’t too concerned. The spotting continued on and off for a few days but never got any worse. Then, one night I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. It sounded like I was peeing, but I didn’t feel like I was. Turns out, it was blood and lots of it. I knew what was happening, and since it was the middle of the night, I decided not to wake my husband since there was nothing he could do. I went downstairs and spent the rest of the night on the couch, and in the morning we called and made an appointment with the OB. I cried the whole appointment, and the staff at the office was horrible. I was told things such as “at least now you know you can get pregnant” and at least one of the nurses stated that she didn’t know why I was upset. They did an ultrasound and determined everything had passed on its own so they tracked my HCG levels to 0 and determined I was good to go.
The 2nd time I got pregnant, a little more than 3 months later, things felt different from the get-go. No spotting, lots of symptoms, and somehow I just knew it would all be ok. Things went well, and 9 months later I gave birth to my daughter on Dec 20th- my early Christmas present!
After a year or so, we decided to try for a sibling. We knew it had taken a while the last time so imagine our shock when less than 2 months later I was pregnant again. No spotting, some symptoms, so I felt good. Then, just like the first time, 6 days after getting that positive test, I started bleeding. This time, it wasn’t as horrible as the first, more like a normal period, so I didn’t even bother calling the OB since they were such jerks the first time. I was sad, but I felt like I was ready to try again immediately.
We tried and tried for another 12 months. I had reached the point of getting frustrated and worried, so I made an appointment with a RE, and sure enough I got a BFP just a few days before the appointment. We were cautious – I didn’t even call to make the initial OB appt until after a week had passed. I had no spotting and lots of symptoms. We made it to the OB appt, and sure enough, there was the little heartbeat. I breathed a sigh of relief. They said I was measuring a little behind where I thought I should be, but I wasn’t completely certain of my dates so I pushed the worry to the back of my mind. We scheduled our next appt for 6 weeks later, which would be the NT scan at 11.5 weeks. I continued along, convinced all was well since all the symptoms were constant and fairly strong.
When we arrived for the scan, we were excited. The tech started moving the wand around on my belly and I could see the sac but there was nothing showing up in it. She remained positive – she was just getting a lay of the land, so to speak, and once she changed angles we might be able to see something. I already knew in my heart we wouldn’t. She remained upbeat and looked around at everything else on her list and then told me she was going to get the doctor. As soon as she stepped out of the room, I lost it. I knew what the doctor was going to say, even though my husband kept trying to remain positive. Sure enough, the doctor confirmed the baby was gone. Since I was so far along, they decided a D&C was the best course of action. I was terrified, but at the same time I didn’t want to wait around for weeks for it to happen on it’s own. They offered me two choices: go to the hospital that day and wait around to be worked in, or schedule it for a certain time the next day. I chose the 2nd option.
I was devastated to say the least. Like my pregnancy with my daughter, I felt like everything was going fine. I had made it to 11.5 weeks and really thought I was out of the woods. We had told people close to us and even started tossing around names. I was so angry and hurt and terrified of the surgery ahead. I didn’t sleep that much and we arrived at the hospital at 5:30am. The staff was ok until it came time to start the IV…the nurse was awful and tried twice, and then the anesthesiologist stepped in and had to try twice before they got a successful line. Not only did it hurt to have them digging around in my veins, they were injecting this “numbing” medicine before they stuck me that stung worse than the IV needle did. I was borderline hysterical at this point. They gave me a sedative and wheeled me back in to surgery.
When I woke up, I was surprised that I was in no physical pain at all. Coming out of the anesthesia was rough – I was dizzy and sick and had a hard time getting under control enough to go home. My physical recovery was much easier than I ever thought but emotionally it was still hell.
Once again, my OB’s office was horrible. The doctor who did the surgery tried to blame the loss on me – I was too fat and she claimed I had Type II diabetes and was in denial about it. She made all kinds of little barbs about it to both my husband and myself pre-op and post-op.
Since I had a D&C, they were able to do tests on the baby to see if they could get any answers. I didn’t hold my breath and almost didn’t go to my 6 week post-op appointment because the doctor had been so awful to me so far. I am glad I went however because what they found out was that this pregnancy had been a partial molar – 3 sets of chromosomes instead of 2. There was absolutely NOTHING that could have changed the outcome, even if I had been super skinny and athletic. I wanted to rub it in that doctor’s face but I kept myself in check.
Since molar and partial molar pregnancies can cause some issues after the fact, they told me I would have to remain in their care for at least 6 months after my HCG levels went back to 0 and we would not be able to get pregnant during that time.
It’s been 4 months and so far I haven’t had any complications. I have been using the time to lose a little weight and prove to that doctor that I am not walking around with unchecked Type II diabetes and neglecting myself. I have also used that time to find a new OB office – after 2 horrible experiences with them, it’s beyond time to move on.
I don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know that I have the strength to endure another loss, but I feel like our family is meant to add another child. We still have a few months before I will be medically cleared so in the meantime we’ll just focus on the daughter we’ve been blessed with and wait to see what the future holds.
Published October 19, 2015