My husband and I had only been married for a couple of weeks when we suspected that I might be pregnant. I had gotten a terrible migraine that lasted for over a week. I went to a couple of doctors, both who tested for pregnancy, and went home without answers. I then started getting nauseous, got food cravings and aversions, exhaustion, no period, breast tenderness, basically textbook pregnancy symptoms.
I finally went back to the doctor and had her run a blood test to check for pregnancy. I got the results the same day, on a Friday, and she told me that my blood tested positive for hcg, but that the levels were not high enough yet to be considered positive. She told me to wait a few days, take an at home test, and then come back to check my levels again.
Just two days later, on a Sunday morning, I got a positive test at home. It was such a faint line that I almost didn’t believe it but there it was. We were having a baby. We were so excited, and told our parents, who were all supportive and excited for us. We began planning the rest of our future with the baby in it. Love and joy does not begin to describe how I felt in that time.
On Sunday night, I got very sharp pains in my stomach, but I thought that it was because I had thrown up several times that day, like when you get the stomach flu and your abs hurt after. The next day, I felt great. My headache and all my other symptoms were just gone. I was excited but should have known better.
My doctor had me come back that week, on a Tuesday, for additional testing to confirm what the at home test had told us. It was late in the day so I didn’t get my results until the next day. On Wednesday while I was at work, the doctor called me and let me know that my levels had fallen to below what they were the first time. She told me that I had suffered from a miscarriage and had lost the baby. I was only at about 5 weeks and only officially “knew” that I was pregnant for less than a week.
I was in total shock. I had never imagined that my first baby would be born into Heaven rather than into my arms. The grief and pain I have felt has been more than I thought I could bear. Each day has gotten a little easier, but I still think of my sweet baby every minute. I just want to be able to hold my baby in my arms, but for now, I am finding comfort in the fact that my baby is with those I love, and with Jesus in Heaven. I just keep reminding myself that he will never have to suffer this world and will be waiting for me at the Pearly Gates.
San Antonio, TX