My husband and I found out that we were pregnant with baby number 2 in November 2014. We were pleasantly surprised! I took 4 tests and had blood drawn just to make sure it was really positive!
We went to our first OB appointment at the end of that month and I was 8 weeks! Baby was perfect, we were happy! The pregnancy continued normally and our anatomy ultrasound was scheduled for February.
February 23, 2015 we found out we were having baby girl #2! Baby girl Kylee was perfect! Everything was going exactly as it should. Right after that ultrasound I started having very heavy, brown discharge. Although I felt fine, I called my doctor just to let her know. She said that was a normal part of pregnancy. As long as it wasn’t bright red, I felt ok, and still felt baby move to not worry.
On March 12 I was at work. I felt fine. I went to the bathroom and had bright red blood on my panties. I kept wiping to see if it would go away and it didn’t. I started bawling my eyes out and called my doctor. She brought me in immediately! I had an excessive amount of blood in my urine. I was given a vaginal and abdominal ultrasound. We saw her little heart beating and she was moving around! I still couldn’t breathe a complete sigh of relief, because being a nurse I knew something was wrong. My OB then gave me a pelvic exam and everything appeared normal. My cervix was closed and thick. They only thing is that baby girl was head down and putting a lot of pressure on my cervix. They thought that might be causing the bleeding. They did blood work and gave me Rhogam. She sent me home on bed rest until I came back to see her that following Monday.
The very next day, I bled heavily. As the weekend progressed, it tapered off to spotting. I went back to see her that following Monday on March 16. They did another ultrasound and everything was still great! I stayed on moderate bed rest for another week.
As another week passed, I continued to bleed on and off. That following Monday (March 23) my OB sent me to see a high risk OB. I was terrified. I had an in depth ultrasound and they said they couldn’t tell me why I was bleeding. The baby and everything looked perfect! I was sent home again and continued moderate bed rest.
That following night I started having Braxton Hicks contractions. They were frequent, but not painful. I could still feel baby girl moving so I thought everything was ok. I drank some water and went to bed. When I laid down, the contractions stopped and I was able to sleep. The next day feeling fine, I called my OB to let them know about the contractions. They said as long as I felt ok and still felt baby move it was ok. An appointment was scheduled for the next Monday.
That night Wednesday, March 25, I felt those same contractions come back. This started around 9pm. This time my lower back was kind of achy. At this point I was 6 months pregnant, so feeling tired and achy is pretty normal. So, I figured it was the same as the night before and just went to bed. This time I couldn’t sleep. Around 1am the backache was getting worse and I could feel my uterus tightening up. I got up, woke my husband up and told him I might need to go to the hospital. We called the hospital and spoke to an OB triage nurse and she recommended I call my OB and see what she advises. I did just that. She advised me to go on to the hospital and be put on the monitor and see what was going on.
By the time I got off the phone the pain was getting unbearable and I now felt tons of pressure in my bottom. It was like I needed to have a bowel movement. I went and sat on the toilet to pee and my water broke. I yelled for my husband and I was now pouring the blood and bleeding out on my bathroom floor. He rushed me to the hospital. On the ride there I felt like I was going to die! I was pouring with sweat, having trouble breathing, rapid heart beat, and was still gushing fluid and blood. When we arrived we went straight to OB triage.
Upon arriving to the L&D floor, I had to see a resident while I was waiting on my doctor to get there. She had no bedside manners at all! While I was getting hooked up, the resident looks at me, first thing out of her mouth was “Just so you know there’s nothing we can do for baby at this point. There’s no heartbeat anyways.” I was floored. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do much of anything considering I was contracting every 20-30 seconds hardcore. I was in so much pain and now I was cold heartedly told that my baby girl was dead. She told me that my placenta had ruptured. I had a full placental abruption.
I delivered my baby girl on March 26, 2015 at 4:40am sleeping. I was hoping, crying, and praying that she would just cry or move just a little bit. There was silence. No movement. I never knew just how deafening silence could actually be. I just wanted to scream and throw stuff! My doctor examined my placenta and shown me the abruption. After I delivered the placenta I delivered part of the huge blood clot that had caused this whole situation.
An hour after I delivered baby Kylee, she was brought me. They had cleaned her up, took her measurements, got her foot/hand prints, and taken some pictures. She was so tiny and so so beautiful! When they placed her in my arms, I lost it! I cried and screamed out loud! I held her close to me and just couldn’t let her go. This was so unfair. So cruel. Why did this happen to me? Why my baby? I then had to make some very difficult decisions on what to do with her. You should never have to bury your children regardless of their age.
I went home later that day feeling completely lost and empty. Over the next several days and weeks I was not only in post partum, but dealing with severe grief. I had so much sadness, anger, and guilt. I replayed the situation over and over again and blamed myself for losing her. I had so many questions that would never be answered. My 4 year old daughter was the only thing keeping me going and even with that it was a struggle. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it through this. I was as broken as one person could be. I can never explain the amount of pain I was in. I then turned to God. That was the only thing I had left. Although I had anger at him for taking my baby, I knew that I needed him. The struggle was so real but I could tell that God was working and I could feel him around me.
I decided to go back to work part time 2 and a half weeks after I lost the baby. Working in a Pediatric office and working with another nurse who was also pregnant was not going to be easy for me. I had such bad anxiety about going back but I knew that staying home alone while my daughter was in school and husband was back to work was no longer an option for me.
I had my post partum checkup on April 27. Going back to the OB was very hard on me. I was reassured that there was nothing that I could do to have changed the situation and the guilt I had, I needed to let it go. She gave me hope of trying again in a couple of months and says that having another placental abruption is so uncommon.
I’m a month past losing my beautiful Kylee and it’s still very hard on me. I have days that I’m ok but some days are so overwhelming that I feel like I just can’t go on. We plan on trying again soon, but a new baby won’t take her place. I love and miss her so much. I’m just trying to keep my faith in God and take one day at a time. That’s all any of us can do in such terrible circumstances.