A Birthday Gift
As loss parents, there is often a lot of second-guessing and asking “what if?” We’re forced to make decisions in our darkest moments when all rationality has been lost and we’re driven by pure emotion and heartache.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, we never came close to choosing a name. Sure, we had loosely discussed it, but it was never at the forefront of our concerns as we worried instead about her health.
After she was gone, we chose to cope by distancing ourselves from her. Giving her a name made her – and our loss – more real. More painful.
Over the years, I’ve carried a lot of guilt about not giving her a name. She was my child, how could I not do this for her? But the timing has never felt right – until now. There are very few things we can do for our daughter all these years later but giving her this gift may be the most meaningful action possible.
Today, on what would have been her 6th birthday, we are finally giving our child a name: Adeline Grace.
Had either of my sons been a girl, this would have been their name. But since they weren’t, it seems only fitting that this special name goes to the little girl who forever changed our lives in so many ways.
Today is a hard day as it always is, but maybe this is the year I will finally begin forgiving myself.