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A New Day is Here

On February 21, 2020, I will celebrate my 40th birthday. Life has definitely thrown some hard balls my way, yet I feel like I am living my best life ever. This year I want to focus on the simple things. Like the saying goes, stop and smell the roses…or lilies. I am tired of carrying my anxieties and regrets into a new year. When I look back 10 years ago on the eve of my 30th birthday, I was at a crossroad. This was not my first time at that place, but I was completely empty, no reserves left to keep up the facade that life was good. In that moment I could continue down a dead end or take a leap of faith and make a change. I decided to jump into the unknown.

One of the things that was holding me back was a false belief that things could not get better. I had convinced myself that this was as good as it gets. And how sad it was! I knew that this is not the life I dreamed of when I was a little girl. I was in a toxic relationship, in between jobs, a thesis away from graduation, and just miserable. I told myself that I was not meant to be a mother and when asked about kids I joked that family and kids were at the bottom of my to-do list when in actuality it was on my top 10 list that I wrote in my journal. I allowed people and circumstances to dictate my day to day. I was existing not living.

Life is full of hardships, but how we respond in these moments will not only define us but refine us. If you are not getting better in the good and in the bad, then you need to reevaluate your place in life. It is important to stop and take a look around you. What can you modify? What can you remove? And most importantly, what new can you bring to your life to rejuvenate it? In my case, it was mostly the people around me I needed to leave behind because to reinvent myself I needed to surround myself with self-sufficient individuals who will build me up and not tear me down. I was getting older and needed to put away childish things and focus on being mature and taking control of my life.

Fast forward 10 years and I am happily married with 2 handsome boys. I graduated with my Masters degree and just recently enrolled into another graduate program. I am more confident in my professional life. Getting to this point in my life was hard, but it was on my terms. I understand that I must be an active participant in my blessing. I must get up when I fall. I must ask for help. There have been disappointments, but a lot more blessings. And that is what I want to focus on this year. I look around me now and I have so much love embracing me. I look at my oldest son Titus who will start Kindergarten this August and I am amazed how fast he is growing and learning. He teaches me something every day like did you know about the Zebramosa?  Yes. This is a real fish. And then there is my rainbow baby Roman who truly is our angel boy and brings sunshine wherever he goes. Did I have this all planned out 10 years ago? No. Is it better than I expected when I took that leap of faith? Absolutely.

Even though its been 10 years, I am still healing from the past pains and heartache. Everyone heals differently in their own time, but do not become captive by it. Use it to fuel your passions and goals forward. If you are grieving, join a support group. If you need a helping hand, schedule an appointment with a therapist. And I find that I am my own worst enemy, so start journaling so you can remind yourself of who you were, are and designed to be in God’s eyes. The sun rises every day no matter the condition of the day, rain or shine. Isn’t it time that you take back your sanity, your heart, your mind, your soul, your spirit, and your life? Like an artist, get a new canvas for 2020 and start creating a new masterpiece of your life.

Category : Tracy , Volunteer Bloggers


About Author

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Tracy

My fertility journey started in 2012. After 2 years of numerous rounds of fertility treatment, I finally became pregnant with my first son. After his birth, I continued to struggle getting pregnant and returned to the fertility clinic. In 2016 I became pregnant. Unfortunately at 10 weeks, I miscarried. Five months later I became pregnant again and gave birth to my second son in 2018. I share my experience because there are so many women who struggle alone and we need to encourage dialogue and support each other. Bringing love and light to a hard topic but necessary for healing and change.

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If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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