Category Archives: Cryssie

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Right Where You Are

The past few months have been both amazing and chaotic for my husband and me. We recently moved from Portland, OR back home to Lubbock, TX and the transition has been so beautiful….but also extremely tough. Not only have we been roughing the unpacking, settling in and getting used to a new time zone, but we  have also been swimming through emotions of the loss we experienced right before we moved back home.

We thought we would be coming back home with a beautiful surprise, a new little addition to the family. Instead, we made the long drive back to the West Texas flat lands with broken hearts and yet another broken dream. We miscarried literally days before the moving truck pulled up to load up our belongings. I miscarried at seven weeks pregnant and it was one of the most confusing and painful moments of my life. We have been here before, but this loss was different. I couldn’t figure out why we would get such lovely news of pregnancy right before we returned back home to our families, only to be leaving the dream of our sweet baby behind in Portland, OR.

For me, I felt like I was leaving behind my child. I remember feeling so conflicted as we drove off from a city I wasn’t happy in, back home to my family who I longed to be closer to. I felt as if I was being a terrible mommy for leaving the remains of our 7-week old baby behind. I know it sounds strange, but…..that’s how I felt.

Getting back to Texas, unpacking, meeting up with family and friends, coffee dates with long time friends…..all of it was wonderful….but I felt so rushed into healing and it made me angry. Until one night, I cried out to God, telling Him how unfair it felt. I just wanted to scream at everybody that I was hurting and broken and needed to be left alone for a while. It was in that moment that I was given permission to step back from the welcome home visits and busy schedules…..and just be. He reminded me to invite Him into these broken places and ALLOW the healing to happen. I realized that coming home and getting busy was my way of masking the hurt and disappointment I was feeling deep down inside. He reminded me that He would meet me RIGHT WHERE I WAS.

Today, I want to encourage you to just be. Whether you just experienced pregnancy loss or have been going through it for a while – take some time to just be. Take some  time to invite God in…… and most of all, remember that He will meet you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE. You are loved sweet friend. Most of all, you are not alone. I am praying for every single woman, man or couple who reads this. God knows you by name and He sees you!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Category : Cryssie , Volunteer Bloggers

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A Letter to You on Mother’s Day

A Letter to the Mother of An Angel Baby on Mother’s Day……

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

Dear Mama,

As we approach Mother’s Day, I want you to hear how loved you are. This day can be devastating for women who have lost a baby. I want you to know that you are remembered today. You may have never met your baby in person but you met them in your heart.  Their short presence in your life made an amazing impact on your life. Time can never take that fact away.  The day you found out you were pregnant, a love greater than you could ever have imagined developed in your soul.

But then grief…….grief viciously attacked your spirit. I understand that all too well. I know you. I see you. I understand you.

I remember my first Mother’s Day after losing Addis Baby #1 – I felt helpless. Sadness overwhelmed me as I scrolled through social media seeing posts from Mother’s Day festivities. I celebrated my own mom, but deep down inside I felt so much grief.

Now, looking back, I wish I had looked at that day differently – I wish I had celebrated it instead.

This Mother’s Day, take some time to just be. Be who you are as a mother, whether you have living children or not. Allow yourself the time to breathe and know that God is right next to you. It’s okay to feel sadness……BUT – it is also okay to feel joy – to celebrate that you ARE a mother. Only a mother can love as deeply and purely as you love your angel! Embrace that love and celebrate it this Mother’s Day! Celebrate that fact that you get to LOVE SO deeply, even if your baby is no longer with us. That kind of love is SO DEEP AND SO PRECIOUS! It is to be CELEBRATED!

From one mother to another mother – Happy Mother’s Day! YOU.ARE.LOVED!



Category : Cryssie , Volunteer Bloggers

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“Pro-Life” Redefined

Winter snow, such a beautiful sight. I think the one thing I love about winter snow is the purity I feel when I see it. The color of each flake falling, the childlike feeling of snow days, mama making her famous hot chocolate for my sister and I as we sit patiently waiting by the fire. It’s such a beautiful image for me. I also love how Isaiah 1:18 tells us that our sin will be made white as snow – “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

This means something to me. It tells me that my faith is in a savior who delights in my freedom from my own sin, freedom from pain, freedom from grief and freedom from the sins of others. As I reflect on Isaiah 1:18, it reminds me that 1) we are sinful human beings 2) we have the freedom to choose Him and to be made pure.

Just like most people, I scroll through a social media that is flooded with separation of this country. The New York abortion bill passing was not exempt from this division. People pointing fingers, calling women who abort murderers, and women who abort standing their ground at any verbal cost. I’m not normally one to talk about politics or throw my opinion out there, but as I was praying on what to write about in this beautiful space allowed by this amazing team here at Through the Heart, I felt the Lord impress on my heart that there are many of us mothers who tend to get a little sting inside when it comes to abortion.

Yes, there are many women who choose to abort – we can’t judge them. Yes, there are many who abort due to medical issues – we can’t decide that for them. Yes, there are some of us who were not given that opportunity to choose life because our babies were taken from us at no choice of our own. It hurts – it hurts to think about a woman consciously choosing to abort their baby. We can’t fathom that thought because of the pain we experienced after miscarriage, but…… to choose life is to choose love.

Many of us believe life should always win and should always be what is chosen. However, we can’t be pro-LIFE but then speak DEATH to the living. We can’t ignore the sin of our own tongues as we speak or think judgement. We must continue to love. We must continue to encourage. We must continue to speak LIFE to women who have aborted. We don’t know their story. We don’t know their why. We don’t know what road they traveled to come to the decision of aborting. We don’t know what lies the enemy whispered in her ear as she realized she was pregnant and not ready.

But what we do know, is that with Christ – all things are made new. We still have a responsibility to help build the Kingdom. If our words are proving to be deadly, then we have possibly turned away a woman who has aborted or a woman who believes in pro-choice, and marked her spiritual DEATH due to the poor example of Christ we set. People turn away from God when they see hatred.

You can’t be pro-life but then speak death.

We still have a responsibility to show the LOVE of CHRIST and to show forgiveness. Even if it hurts your heart because you have miscarried or because you are experiencing infertility. Trust me sister, I feel your pain. I have struggled with this. I have felt anger deep within me at the thought of a woman choosing a death sentence for her child when I wanted LIFE for my miscarried baby. It hurts. It stings.

But God….

God wants you to walk in freedom from that pain and bitterness. He wants you to set an example of a Christ-filled woman who LOVES others more than herself. He wants us to remember that Christ lives in us and because of that…..there is no room for hate. We all sin.

So, I encourage you today to set down the anger, pain, bitterness and deadly words. Pick up TRUTH, remember LOVE and TRULY be pro-LIFE. Forgive.

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

Category : Cryssie , Volunteer Bloggers


If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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