Category Archives: Deb

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Remembering Liam

When my daughter-in-law miscarried my grandson Liam early this year, I was devastated. As parents, especially as moms, we always want to fix things for our children, no matter how old they are.

The few days after the loss, I knew it was important to just be there for them. As I mentioned in my previous blog, I made them food, called frequently to offer support, and accompanied Colin and Krissy to the funeral home.

But I knew I wanted to do more to remember Liam. While we did not have a formal funeral service for Liam, we did have a mass said in his memory. It was held a week after he was delivered, and it was touching to see so many friends and family there to support Colin and Krissy.

I found a wonderful organization near me, Angel Gowns, which makes burial gowns for miscarried and deceased babies from donated bridal gowns, First Communion dresses and other donated fabrics. I remember how moved we were when we saw Liam in one of these gowns, wrapped in a blanket, with a tiny beanie on his head. Without hesitation, I donated my bridal gown and my mom’s to them. I couldn’t think of a better use for them. I did cut a small piece from each gown for my daughter, in case she wants “something old” on her wedding day. I plan on knitting blankets to support this organization as well.

Of course, the work done by Through the Heart also helped us honor Liam. Krissy and Colin truly appreciated the Comfort Kit—it helped them to know that someone recognized the pain they were going though. And sharing my story in my blog helps me remember Liam.

I also wanted a physical reminder of Liam. When Krissy was pregnant with my first grandchild, Winry, she gave me a beautiful grandma bangle bracelet. I found a simple memorial bracelet and purchased one for both Krissy and me.

Liam’s estimated due date was this coming May. I know with all the Mother’s Day festivities that this will be a tough time for Krissy. Perhaps we will plan a special remembrance, such as releasing balloons or planting a tree.

But the best way to honor Liam is to remember him not only on special occasions, but each day. When people ask how many grandchildren I have, I always say two—one on earth, one in heaven. Liam holds a special place in my heart. Living my best life possible is how I can best honor and remember him.

Category : Deb , Volunteer Bloggers

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A Day I Will Never Forget

I remember the call like it was yesterday. The phone rang mid-morning January 5, 2019. I noticed the call was from my son, Colin. That’s strange, I thought, he never calls during the day. I answered the phone and I couldn’t tell if he was sobbing or laughing hysterically due to a great deal of background noise and commotion. Unfortunately, he was sobbing. “We lost the baby,” he cried. I was at a loss for words. I felt helpless and devastated.

It was supposed to be a happy day. Colin and my daughter-in-law Krissy were going to find out the gender of their baby in preparation for a gender reveal party that weekend.

My first thought was for Colin and Krissy. I wanted to be there for them but wasn’t sure how to best support them. I asked if they wanted us to come to the hospital, but he said no as it was already quite chaotic.

I frequently kept in touch with him during the day by text and phone, making sure he was ok and giving him emotional support. I found out the baby was a boy and they named him Liam James. I gently asked if they were planning on a service of some sort and offered any help I could give.

I knew as a grandparent I needed to walk a fine line between being too present and not present enough. I realized that the best thing to do was let my son take the lead. He knows we love them and are there for them. I did what I could do immediately—made food for them, offered to watch their daughter, and pray.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was accompany Colin and Krissy at the funeral home the next day, when Krissy was discharged from the hospital. Colin had asked us to be there to support them in this difficult task. We had not seen them since hearing about the loss of Liam and all we could do was hug each other. I am amazed by the strength they showed during this process.

At the funeral home, Krissy picked two small urns for Liam’s remains. Although they didn’t want a formal service, I asked if they wanted me to arrange a memorial mass at our church, which they appreciated and wanted.

Finally, Krissy asked if she could see Liam one more time. We all went to pay our final respects to baby Liam. I was deeply touched by the care the funeral home had taken to wrap him in a little blanket and place a tiny knitted hat on his head. My only solace was in knowing that we now had a little angel watching over us.

It is so hard watching your children suffer. Moms are supposed to be able to fix things and I couldn’t fix this. There are some valleys in life those we love must all walk through; sometimes all we can do is offer a hand and a hug. It is one of the toughest parts of parenting—raising your children to be strong enough to meet these dark moments with strength and hope.

Category : Deb , Volunteer Bloggers


If you've come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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