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Certainty in an uncertain time

I am in my 3rd trimester with baby number 2. Things were going so well, I actually allowed myself to feel certain that everything would be okay. I am a stay at home mom and have been busy with my ever growing toddler who has suddenly developed preferences and quite a little attitude when things don’t go her way.¬†Keeping busy with her has allowed me to keep my mind off of the ever looming thoughts of “what could go wrong” that I became so accustomed to after having two losses.

In February, I got the flu. I went to the doctor to get it confirmed. I thought that would be the one hiccup for this pregnancy. I was down and out for about 2 weeks but recovered just fine. My toddler had some sort of little virus for about a week at the same time as me. She tested negative for the flu thankfully, but what a week that was. Being sick with the flu while taking care of a sick toddler….I wouldn’t wish that scenario on my worst enemy!

Once March began, life decided to throw some uncertainty at me and the rest of the world. I am pregnant during a pandemic. I never imagined that would happen. Every time I turn on the news things seem to get worse. I have heard the hospitals around us are starting to fill up with coronavirus patients (even the one where I will be delivering) and I am due to give birth in 9 weeks, give or take a week. I have multiple family members in the medical field who I worry about daily, three of whom are in my immediate family (my dad and two of my brothers). And of course there isn’t enough data to show if the virus is particularly dangerous for pregnant women. Classic, not enough data for a subject in women’s health. I guess we should all be use to that.

Now how am I supposed to make myself believe certain things will be okay when the entire world is in a state of uncertainty?

I am trying even harder than usual to focus on the positives. I am grateful that I have already been a stay at home mom, so I was mentally ready for the quarantine period that they keep extending. I am putting extra focus into my daughter and really trying to emulate her carefree attitude. She is a joy and hardly ever gives us trouble. She is our rainbow baby and I am relishing in that fact. She is our sunshine every day in this gloomy time. My husband is able to work from home, so we aren’t being affected badly financially for the time being. With the elimination of his commute, he is able to spend more time with our daughter than he would during a normal week. And this pregnancy has gone smoothly thus far. Every time I feel this baby kick I am reminded that this new baby is another rainbow for us and for our families. This new baby will help maintain the light that my daughter currently provides. We’ll be going from coronavirus quarantine to newborn quarantine. I am grateful my hospital is currently allowing at least one person to be with me during delivery. I have seen on the news that in NY some hospitals were saying you wouldn’t be allowed to have anyone. I hope that changes for the women about to give birth soon. I can’t imagine going through delivery without my husband.

Experiencing miscarriage has helped me learn to find and focus on the certainties in an otherwise uncertain situation. I am certain that my husband and I will do everything we can to keep my daughter and new baby safe. I am certain my hospital and the brave staff members will do everything they can to ensure a safe delivery. I am certain that we will bring this new baby home to a happy, positive environment in this crazy uncertain time.

(Kids started putting rainbow pictures in their windows in the UK and US as a symbol of hope of better days ahead. Some families in my neighborhood did it the other day. My featured image is the rainbow we posted on our storm door.)

Category : Kate , Volunteer Bloggers

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If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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