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Choose Hope

We are living in challenging and fearful times. Our normal routines have been upended and we don’t know what the future holds for us and our families.

I am working on channeling this surreal experience into something more positive. The more I think about it, the more fear seems to imply passivity and giving up control. Fear often keeps you frozen in inaction and afraid.

A few months ago, I had a bout with vertigo. As I was getting out of bed, I felt like I was spinning. It continued for several days and I felt so dizzy I had to use a walker. Needless to say, it was quite unnerving. Once diagnosed, I did attend two vestibular therapy sessions, which seemed to help.

I thought I was 100% better so I went back to my normal exercise routine at the Y. Once in the pool, I started doing the backstroke. When I reached the deep end and turned around, I kicked off from the wall and the next thing I knew I was under water. I was terrified. Luckily, the lifeguards were right there and although I was able to right myself, they helped me out of the pool.

I was afraid to lap swim in the pool and resigned myself to missing my favorite Y event, the indoor triathlon. However, my friend Cindy, a swimming instructor at the YMCA, offered to work with me. I put it off for a while, then finally decided I wanted to conquer this fear. And, I still had time to register for the tri. I arrived at the pool 8 am sharp Monday morning. Cindy got in the lane with me and asked if I was afraid. I blurted out that I wasn’t afraid but concerned. She smiled and said she would be worried if I wasn’t. An AHA moment! That’s when I realized the big difference between fear and concern. Had I been fearful, I never would have gotten back in the lap lane. But by being concerned, I recognized I needed to take precautions (such as stopping if I felt dizzy and not pushing off from the wall to quickly). Concern put me in charge; I was not ruled by fear. And yes, I did complete the indoor triathlon.

Onto current events. Yes, this coronavirus is serious stuff. As someone over 60 with a preexisting condition I am in the high-risk category. I am also thinking about my daughter-in-law, who is due to deliver in April. She miscarried last January, and we are all praying that she delivers a healthy son. I think about the world he will be brought into. But no, I am not fearful; I’m concerned. Taking control of what I can has helped me deal with all the uncertainty. I can’t control the stock market, I can’t control the behavior of others, but I can control what measures I put in place to avoid contamination and help keep my family healthy. I am sad that I may not be able to see my newborn grandson soon, but it is a small sacrifice to pay. I’m pretty much staying at home, only going out to walk weather permitting.

What is helping me get through this difficult time is hope. As Maya Angelou said, “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay.” I am inviting hope.

Take care of yourself and your family. Stay healthy and realize that this too will pass. We may be physically isolated, but we don’t have to be socially isolated thanks to technology. With hope, we will get through this.

Category : Deb , Volunteer Bloggers


About Author

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Deb

I'm Deb and unfortunately experienced the loss of a grandson who was miscarried in January 2019. I have two adopted children; due to my congenital heart disease I was unable to bear children. I volunteer with several heart-health organizations and have written a book about my journey with congenital heart disease.

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If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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