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Coping mechanisms

The emotional ups and downs a person goes through after a pregnancy loss are normal and yet I find myself having a hard time handling it. It’s difficult to go back and forth between happy, sad, angry, jealous, hopeful, frustrated and whatever else. I sometimes wish I could just feel one way and that’s it, at least then maybe I could learn to deal with that one emotion and deal with it well.

I was talking with some friends recently about coping mechanisms and my immediate reaction was that when I am stressed, angry, upset, anxious, whatever, I eat. And I do. But I’ve come to realize in the last few days that I actually do deal in other ways and I need to give myself a little more credit. It’s amazing what we’re capable of in difficult times.

The ways I cope are:

1.       I cry If you’ve read my previous posts this probably comes as no surprise since I am definitely a crier. But sometimes it’s really helpful to just let it all out, even if it’s ugly (perhaps even better if it’s ugly). sp                                                                                                                 

2.       I listen to music Especially 90s alternative music. Yes, in a way it takes me back to those angst-ridden teenage years when music was by far my #1 outlet. But there’s no denying that sometimes rocking out, screaming out angry lyrics (I’m looking at you, Rage Against the Machine) and maybe even crying (see #1) just feels good.

3.       I walk Some of my best mind-clearing is done when I’m walking around the neighborhood, enjoying the fresh air, listening to music (see #2) and just taking time for myself. Oh yes, and sometimes there’s crying (see #1 again).

4.       I go to church Not to mass, but to church – I prefer to do my own thing. This is new for me and I’ll be honest and say that I’m not sure exactly where this fits into the grand scheme of things for me but for now, it’s in the rotation. There’s definitely crying and, as a bonus, I can walk there (see #1, 2 and 3).

How do you deal when life gets hard?

Category : Karen , Staff/Board Members

About Author

Karen Kelly

Hello! I'm Karen Kelly, co-founder of Through the Heart. My journey started in 2013 when I lost my daughter at 20 weeks into my pregnancy. I experienced 2 more losses along the way and have used this blog as an outlet for a lot of random thoughts and emotions. I hope that you find it helpful. Feel free to reach out at kkelly@throughtheheart.org if I can help in any way!

1 Comment

While I’m Waiting

April 10, 2014 at 9:41 am

Dealing with pregnancy loss is definitely a cluster of emotions that are ever changing. My coping mechanisms are running (this has always been a free “therapy” for me and I do my best thinking while running), praying/quiet time/devotionals, listening to music, going for a walk (oftentimes while listening to music), journal/blog, and hanging out with DH. We also almost always go to church (if we’re home, we go) and I find that on my really hard days church and worship always make me feel so much better.

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If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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