December is always such a hard month for me. It has so many painful memories and milestones in it, but it is also filled with so much joy and happiness.
It all started in 2013 when we found out we were pregnant and our first child would be born in Dec 2013. After only 5 weeks this pregnancy ended with a natural miscarriage and we were heartbroken. After a few months we tried again and shorty found out we were pregnant again. We were nervous but excited.
After seeing baby with a heartbeat 3 times and being 12 weeks pregnant we were so relieved and announced to the world that we were expecting a bundle of joy in May of 2014. Just after 15 weeks, on Dec 6, 2013, we found out that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and I required a D&C as my body was not getting the message that I had a missed miscarriage.
After those two losses December just felt like a lonely time for me. Everyone else has always been happy and so excited for the holidays coming up, while I just wanted to have our 2 babies in our arms.
A few years later we found out that we were pregnant and we were due on December 20, 2016. I had so much anxiety about a December due date, let alone one so close to Christmas – what if something happened again, would I ever be able to get through December again?
Thankfully our daughter was born in December 24 and was just perfect (she still is). I still have the heartache of our losses every December, but now they are accompanied by the joy that I see in my daughter’s eyes.
I will forever be grateful that she is here with us and that December has some happiness back in it.
This December we have even more joy and happiness as we continue to expand our family with our next little one who is due in May next year. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant.