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Getting Closure

It can be very difficult to cope with a loss, sometimes the grief overwhelms you and leaves you wondering how you will make it. Other times you feel like you are getting better and then feel guilty, like you are doing something wrong. Grief is so deep, so complex I honestly don’t think anyone fully understands it. It affects every part of our lives, every fiber of our being cries out for our lost loved ones.

I have grieved four losses, each one vastly different than the rest. I cannot move on without closure. It can be different for each of us. For me, with my most recent loss, my closure came unexpectedly. I needed to know I wasn’t alone in the fact that my baby wasn’t given a proper resting place, she was simply gone, and those few seconds I held her, were the first and last time I would have a chance to say goodbye.

I had so many regrets on how I spent those precious moments. I didn’t get to say anything meaningful, I didn’t get to fully comprehend the magnitude of that moment before she was swept away and I would never get to see her again. I spent that moment holding her and crying, the only words I spoke were to tell my husband that this tiny thing was our long hoped-for and much loved daughter. I don’t even know if he responded. I was lost in my own world of pain and horror.

Hours of labor, unbelievable pain and loss, I look back and think, was I in shock? Perhaps. A year later a fellow writer told me she too had the same thing happen and had also shared the same feelings that I had struggled so long with. The relief I felt was enormous. She went on to tell me it is very common from what she has found following her journey with loss. It didn’t mean I didn’t love her, it didn’t mean she never existed, and I wasn’t alone.

She will forever have my thanks for reaching out in the darkness and offering me this token of comfort. For the first time in a year, I felt at peace. It is not the first thing I think of when I think of her now and that alone has made such a difference in my life. I hope this helps others as it helped me.

Category : Julie , Volunteer Bloggers


About Author

Julie

I am a 30 year old mother of four beautiful children with four more waiting for me in heaven. Life has been a long journey for me and I love to help others in life.

2 Comments

Stephanie Joy Eckard

March 14, 2019 at 10:05 am

I don’t think anyone every gets closure, until we meet our babies again. I am praying for you that you find comfort in everything you do, and that your babies are watching over you. You are an amazing mama! God Bless you and your family.

    Julie

    March 14, 2019 at 10:56 am

    Thank you so much for your kindness, I always try my best to be the best mom I can be. I definitely look forward to meeting all my babies one day again, until then I take solace in the peace I have found and in the children I have left with me.

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If you’ve come to this blog, it likely means you have suffered a pregnancy loss of some type. We are so sorry you have found yourself here, but hope the stories of life after loss can help you on your road to healing and recovery. Remember, we are all in this together!

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