It Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect
I spent so many years hoping for a child. I said goodbye to three during my long wait. During that time I imagined what motherhood would be like and promised myself I would never take a moment for granted. I thought I knew exactly how I would react to being a new mom.
Now that it’s been nearly three months since welcoming my second miracle baby, I’m facing something I never thought I’d struggle with. I’ve been diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. Some days it’s so bad I don’t want to hold the children I spent so much time praying for. Most the time I can handle the depression and not let it affect the kind of mother I am. But the days I struggle are made worse when I think about how lucky I should be feeling, instead of fighting the impulse to run away.
It’s in these moments I remind myself that this is motherhood. The WHO reports at least 13% of new mothers struggle with a mental disorder. That’s a much larger percentage than the 1% of women who experience recurrent loss or Cholestasis of pregnancy like I did. I’m not alone, and I’m in good company. I’ve sought help and am getting treatment. It’s not ideal or what I wanted after my struggle to have children, but it’s the narrative of so many women. I can hold my head high knowing it’s ok to struggle, and it doesn’t make me ungrateful or a bad mom.