Right Where You Are
The past few months have been both amazing and chaotic for my husband and me. We recently moved from Portland, OR back home to Lubbock, TX and the transition has been so beautiful….but also extremely tough. Not only have we been roughing the unpacking, settling in and getting used to a new time zone, but we have also been swimming through emotions of the loss we experienced right before we moved back home.
We thought we would be coming back home with a beautiful surprise, a new little addition to the family. Instead, we made the long drive back to the West Texas flat lands with broken hearts and yet another broken dream. We miscarried literally days before the moving truck pulled up to load up our belongings. I miscarried at seven weeks pregnant and it was one of the most confusing and painful moments of my life. We have been here before, but this loss was different. I couldn’t figure out why we would get such lovely news of pregnancy right before we returned back home to our families, only to be leaving the dream of our sweet baby behind in Portland, OR.
For me, I felt like I was leaving behind my child. I remember feeling so conflicted as we drove off from a city I wasn’t happy in, back home to my family who I longed to be closer to. I felt as if I was being a terrible mommy for leaving the remains of our 7-week old baby behind. I know it sounds strange, but…..that’s how I felt.
Getting back to Texas, unpacking, meeting up with family and friends, coffee dates with long time friends…..all of it was wonderful….but I felt so rushed into healing and it made me angry. Until one night, I cried out to God, telling Him how unfair it felt. I just wanted to scream at everybody that I was hurting and broken and needed to be left alone for a while. It was in that moment that I was given permission to step back from the welcome home visits and busy schedules…..and just be. He reminded me to invite Him into these broken places and ALLOW the healing to happen. I realized that coming home and getting busy was my way of masking the hurt and disappointment I was feeling deep down inside. He reminded me that He would meet me RIGHT WHERE I WAS.
Today, I want to encourage you to just be. Whether you just experienced pregnancy loss or have been going through it for a while – take some time to just be. Take some time to invite God in…… and most of all, remember that He will meet you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE. You are loved sweet friend. Most of all, you are not alone. I am praying for every single woman, man or couple who reads this. God knows you by name and He sees you!
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3