The season of hope
The holiday season is a time to celebrate and be grateful. It’s a time to hold loved ones a little closer. Experiencing a holiday after a loss can be unbearable. I remember the Christmas after I had my second loss. My nieces and nephews surrounded me at Christmas dinner. As happy as I was to be with them, I couldn’t help my heart from aching. I could have had a baby at that dinner or I could have been pregnant. I can remember sneaking away from everyone to cry alone. I really distanced myself from my family that holiday and I regret that. I regret not allowing myself to be open about how I was feeling with those I held closest. I let my own sadness and guilt keep me from the comfort of my family. It can be so hard to want to be jolly when your whole spirit feels like it’s been stepped on, but it’s so important to try and lean on those who love you. It makes the holiday season easier.
This year I am particularly grateful for my rainbow baby, Lucy. I am grateful for my husband, who has been steadily by my side through our journey. I am grateful for my new pregnancy. This is my fourth pregnancy. I am sixteen weeks pregnant and so far everything is progressing okay. As it progresses, I try to focus on being grateful for what I have gained without forgetting what I have lost.
I pray for those experiencing loss this season. I pray you have people who will allow you to wear your heart on your sleeve. I pray that you can find the strength to keep moving forward.
Just allow yourself to be submerged in the spirit of the season. It’s the season of hope, love, and the prospect of new beginnings.