Trust My Choice
At my 10 week appointment, I learned that my fetus stopped growing. It was the second ultrasound so I was not expecting this. I did not feel different. I felt very pregnant. But to know that life ended and I didn’t even know is heartbreaking. I asked her what I should do. She said I can come back in a week and possibly my body would naturally remove the fetus, however if not, then I can schedule a D&C or take medication to induce the miscarriage.
I had choices. Not the choices I had hoped for walking into that appointment, but choices that made me in control of this terrible situation. It allowed me the opportunity to navigate what steps were right for me. When the specialist gave my husband and I some space to talk, my husband immediately told me its my decision and he supports me. He has always been my biggest cheerleader and he trusts me. In my decision making, he was not a deterrent but my supporter. In this current political climate, I am angry and scared where the discourse is heading. Conflicting definitions and perceptions are clouding reality. In my scenario, should a political policy interfere with my choice?
I recall some time ago when a woman could not get her medications filled because the pharmacist said that it was against his religion. Like me, the woman’s fetus had stopped growing. I remember hearing this on the news and becoming irate because that could have been me. The first few hours of finding out this dreaded truth are excruciating, piercing deep into one’s soul and testing one’s spiritual strength. In just a few seconds my entire life shifted directions. My husband knew that he was the first one to set the tone to either comfort or irritate. But if politicians have their way, someone that does not know me, my situation, my needs, my dreams and fears, can tell me what to do with my body. Take away my choices. Take away my integrity. Take away my right. Take away my voice.
The woman’s body is an extraordinary human vessel. Our bodies create and nurture life in the womb. We give birth and once our little one is in our arms, our breasts produce milk to nurse and the one innate ability that a baby can do for himself from birth is to suck. Ideally this is the perfect match. God gave woman all she needs to create and sustain life. And yet we are not free to own our own bodies. The woman’s body is a war zone. Constantly being mutilated by the world and man. In this country we fight so hard for the second amendment and not so much for reproductive and sexual health. Why do we fear the woman? Could you imagine if the woman had full rights to her own body? Could the world then be a better place?
Before my marriage, I never personalized these topics, but spoke hypothetically. Even though I have written about different aspects of women’s rights and identity, I felt exempt from this discourse because I felt protected in my own country. With the shift in mindset, the reality is my freedom is being attacked. It’s unfortunate that tragedy must occur to motivate many to action. I would never wish what I experienced on anyone, but I do hope that she is given the choice to choose what is best for her and not be judged.