It has been 12 years, 2 months and 17 days since my miscarriage. I read some of these stories and I finally feel like others understand.
I had just received a gastric bypass and a few months later became pregnant. I was told by my bariatric doctor that I should terminate the pregnancy and I decided I would not do it.
At 22 weeks, I went to the ER in complete pain. I not only was in labor, but I had pancreatitis along with a host full of other issues. While I was there, I underwent 3 surgeries, but the most heartbreaking was the C-section of my son, Noah. I had been in the ICU and not truly aware of what happened. I worked at the hospital so I was able to get to see him 3 times, I have pictures and as hard as it is, I can see them and hold them. My stay at the hospital was 30 days, so I know I wasn’t a well person.
I know a part of me vanished that day and to this day I miss him. I get sad, but I also get happy thinking of what he would be like. I love him so much and another term I hate that people say is, “he’s in a better place.” NO, a better place was always with me.
I have a 23 year old daughter and she and I talk about him and cherish his memory. We truly wish he were here and part of our family.
I did get pregnant again at 40 but miscarried at 6 weeks. I didn’t realize how physically painful it would be. The doctor told me it wouldn’t have been a wise idea to have the baby. I know I couldn’t have gone through all of that again.
Noah was 1 lb. 13 oz and very large. What a beautiful boy he was. I love him with all of my heart and soul and would have given anything to have him here.
Miscarriage is the hardest thing I have even been through and I pray for all families that go through it. It is hard to be strong, but we have to remember there are people who need us here. I almost forgot that.
But it is a hard thing to go to a hospital pregnant and walk out without your child.